breathe, hit repeat.

i think it's absurd that my favorite part of this song is the beginning before there's any singing or anything that makes the usual music, music. it's just electronic noises and i love it.

"i listen to music that tells how i feel."
you and me both. you seemed so smart compared to what i've seen you to be.
when you take away everyone else, and leave just us and the night,
you had a different side of you.

i'm sorry?
i don't know what i'm really apologizing for. but i'm just sorry in general.
i've let too many people down.

my procrastination's getting worse. i have an algebra two quiz tomorrow, i can't bring myself to care about it.
honestly. i haven't even cracked my notes. i didn't even look at the review worksheet she gave us in class, i did the biology i was too apathetic to do last night.

i gave myself things to do instead of study, but none of it was even close to important. i wasted about two hours straightening my hair, cutting it, straightening it again, curling it. then i did all of my makeup again, even when no one was going to see me.
i look better now than i have for the past week, and all i feel is like a complete failure because even now as i'm typing this, my folder is less than a yard away. i could shut off my computer, get my calculator, and do the problems i was supposed to do.
am i? no. i'll end up studying in world history, disrespecting mr. barker.

i don't know where i'm going anymore.
my mom asked me today if i was okay. i shrugged her off.
i wish i could talk to her and tell her that i'm not happy, that i don't understand why things are the way they are for me and why things keep having to change and hurt.
i know she'd understand
i think i just don't want to admit to myself that i need someone.


at some level i think i know.
i was going to tell you something important, and you cut me off.
and you, i tried to tell you something. you didn't even catch the sadness in my tone.
these are not aimed at you.

i never used to be this sensitive.
i don't get to close for a reason. it hurts less.
now, even a little bit, i'm more attached.
i have friends (?), activities, mindless classes to fill my day with. things are planned out.
and though i might not be fully content, i'm used to them.

i don't know where this is heading.
press repeat.