if i had my own world, i'd build you an empire.

let me feel you, carry you higher.
watch our words spread hope like fire.
secret crowds rise up and gather.
hear your voices sing back louder.


i had that song on repeat for about an hour today.
february twenty third! it's in that semi-confirmed now... i've mentioned it to my mom several times, and the fact that we have a ride with Jp. we just have to do the official discussion thing when i actually have some money at all to get a ticket with. but i'm excited. i love them too much.

today was not exactly the best day i've ever had. i sat through most of my hours in a stupor, wishing it was friday. world history was by far the best hour- a whole hour with a sub and a movie and absolutely no form of assignment. we were technically supposed to actually watch the video, but half the class blew that off anyways. i spent the hour writing in my journal to kind of keep me calm and relatively awake. we got the quizzes in math back; D-. it kind of pisses me off but at the same time i couldn't honestly give a flying fuck, it only bothers me because i know i'll get chewed out for it later.

and i did, when i got home and told my dad. i also told him that i wanted to go from accelerated algebra 2 to regular algebra 2 next semester, in hopes that maybe i can pull off better than a C+ and have more time to learn the subject material, but my dad basically blew up at me. long story short, there was a lot of pounding on the table, shouting, and some choice words thrown into the mix. apparently he won't let me go to regular classes, i just need to put more effort in and spend more time on math instead of talking to my friends online or hanging out on the weekends. etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. so after a through verbal assault from him that admittedly left me in tears, i went back to my room to resume the onslaught of homework that i'd been plugging away at since two thirty. and i actually just now finished most of it. nine thirty at night. that's six and a half hours of homework, if you count in that i spent a half hour eating dinner and getting yelled at by dad.

six and a half hours of homework.
honestly, i hate to admit it, but that's probably more than i've spent on homework in the past two weeks.
i'm almost positive of that fact. which is pretty bad, by my parents standards.

i didn't even write debate speeches- i have about half the cards i probably should, but i'll just have to wing it while proving to sherburne that i have at least a few citations that i can throw around so he won't be mad or dissapointed.
and i have to study for the chapter math test that i need to take after school tomorrow, but i am so braindead i don't even want to confront myself with thinking about that. i'll probably pull out my notes during world history and try to remember a vague amount of information. i probably won't do very good at it. so drop me down to a C, bleh. i don't think i can really muster the effort to memorize all of what i need for it at all.

and life... well, life is crazy.
i'm glad tomorrow is friday.
all weekend i'll be at howell nature center lodge with my mom's side of the family. and really bad cell phone service.
yeah, not so glad about that one.

but fencing should be rad. it's the tournament. i'm happy. i just wasted my entire night on homework and i don't want to go to bed.

my dad came in to talk to me after he blew up at me and i told him i didn't even want to go there. i don't want to start crying again when i'm trying to finish my work on the skeletal system, thanks. we'll have to talk later i guess. i haven't spoken a word to him since. my mom's seen me maybe five minutes total this evening?

i hate solving people's problems.
mostly, i hate thinking about my own. but right now, i do not want to sign off and go to bed.
so i won't.