is it so strange

that i refused to put this song onto my ipod, because i didn't want to walk down the street listening to it and have reality ruin it?

second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning.
i kind of miss feeling like a kid, but not really. in one sense i miss being so innocent and still believing in magic and things under the stairs and thinking that anything was possible. but in another sense i'm glad i'm here, experiencing the things that i am, and learning from them.

at least, i hope i'm learning something from this insanity.
i'm counting down the days until i get my camera.
i don't care what you guys say, they're going to regret getting it for me. expect me to be constantly taking pictures of you.
i've missed being able to document everything.

i can't wait until i'm sixteen. in my mind my dad caved and gave me the beetle- i can kind of sense that he feels like he might give it to me, but i know he's worried i'd crash it or somehow screw it up, and he's been working on it since before i was born. but i can see me driving around in this old, faded turquoise volkswagon from 1964 or somewhere around that time frame. hippie car, much? :) a car like that deserves fresh flowers on the dashboard, cassettes in the stereo, and that greenpeace bumper sticker i've been saving. i feel like a huge dork for imagining that, but i want it so bad.

i cleaned my room up a little bit today. i keep rediscovering all these clothes that i bought at one point and then kind of gave up on trying to pull off. i actually like plenty of them now. i need to get back to caring about stuff. i've kind of boycotted shopping for clothes since before school started. i've been saving my money so this summer i can get stuff i want and actually wear it. i hate winter and how it forces all of us into sweaters and jeans and sneakers. maybe this summer will be different. i'm strongly considering giving up my boycott of shorts. i don't even really remember why i started it, except for the fact that i hate my legs. but whatever, i don't think i really care anymore. my mom lent me this old purse of hers. she thinks maybe she got it from grandmother. it's obnoxious and canvas and i like it.

i decided i think i want to get a job at the library. i can bike there when i work, and they're probably more flexible about hours and such. seeing as i'm really weird and can't work weekends because of the renaissance faire, and i have to take drivers ed. i'm kind of proud of myself that i might actually be doing things this summer. and warped could be cool, if we decide to go. it's gotten to the point where i'm allowed to go now, and i'm not sure if any of the bands are that great anymore. besides, i think we're seeing angels & airwaves in february if my mom will let me go (i'm pretty sure she will) and i'm looking forward to that so much.

i still haven't figured out what the hell i'm going to do to my hair. i have to redye it, and then i think i'm making the ends a kind of purplish color. i wish it weren't so straight. itd be nice if it were wavy, and then i wouldn't have to fool around with curling irons if i want it to look cute or anything. bleh. whatever. i'll figure it out eventually.

mom might not let me skip friday this week like she was originally going to. the plan was everyone was coming to my house (all the aunts and shannon and i) and we bake the christmas cookies for the holiday party at the lodge that's saturday and sunday. but i've already missed two days of school and if i missed friday for the cookies i would've only gone in two days out of the week. which i'm not complaining about, but i can see why she isn't too keen on letting me miss. where's her christmas spirit?

i got those notebooks i've been meaning to get and so i'm not sure why i write in this. i'm not even saying anything important like i am in the notebooks. ha. i'm pathetic :)